All Good Things Must Come to an End

Dio Mio - what a semester. These last couple weeks have been jam packed with friends, food and memories for the books. 5 sleeps until I head back to the homeland, and I couldn't be more conflicted.

When I think about coming home for the holidays, I get very excited. I think about all of the food I can eat, the crisp smell of Canada, and spending some serious time with my friends and my family - and getting a very necessary hug from my babe. But, the thought of me staying in Canada past the holidays is a sad feeling. I am not ready to leave my life here in Spain behind. Can't I just come home and love everyone and love everything - but then come back? I mean, I miss home so much because it has been so long. But when I think about leaving everything behind here, it is heart breaking. I now can understand my Mom's sadness about leaving France - it becomes a part of you, a part of who you are. I have made friendships here that I can't even begin to describe in words. I have met so many beautiful and amazing friends from all over the world. I have made true friendships with individuals who have changed my life. I am not the same girl who eagerly and nervously left in August. I have experienced more, I have laughed more, loved more, and learned more. I have challenged myself, I have tested myself and I have undoubtedly grown. I have gotten more out of this experience on an emotional level than I ever thought possible. 

So, it brings me to this question. How am I supposed to be okay with leaving some of my best friends? Friends that I see every single day, friends that love me and accept me for my craziness. Friends who come from different backgrounds, languages, countries, continents and time zones. Being a Canadian is so difficult in this situation because I live so much further than anyone else (besides my 'Murica's). I can't hop on a cheap flight to Belgium to visit Charlotte, or jump on a ferry to visit my English loves. And the incompetence not to do so is something that I seriously struggle with. Yes, of course, I know that this isn't the end of our friendships and I know that we will see each other again. But the question of when, and knowing that it can't be in a few weeks, or a few months, it's going to have to be years is something that makes me ache. These are people I spend every single day with - people who have just become a part of my routine and life.

We will have memories from this trip forever. We will share memories (some foggy, at that) of our drunken nights, of our delicious dinners, of our travelling and everything in between and out between. We have laughs and jokes that no one is able to share with us, and we will always share that and cherish that. 

Last night I was blessed with a Surprise Leaving Party and I was so unbelievably overwhelmed. For anyone that knows me - knows that I am a very emotional girl. When I'm sad, I cry - when I'm angry, I cry - when I'm happy, I cry. There have been a few moments in my life, however, where my overwhelming emotions somewhat paralyze me, and even thought my body is coursing with emotion - I can't show it. No tears. And that is how I was last night. I was so overwhelmed and touched that these individuals who have only known me for a few short months - took the time to throw me a huge bash and show their faces to party with me and say goodbye. I couldn't cry. I wanted to, but I couldn't. It was especially hard because unlike all of my friends here - I am not coming back after Christmas. I am done. So although everyone is leaving for Christmas, they are coming back. And there were many individuals there last night that I know I will not see again. It just won't happen when we are worlds apart. But it was just so touching to see everyone, to say goodbye to everyone and to get to have a big BANG before I left. There were balloons and streamers and things that popped. And they all hollered when I came in and I thought I had peed my pants (I was wearing a white dress) - but I also though that we were under some serious gang violence...

                                                   All the girls Canadian Baconing me ;) 

And all I could do was scream, and jump up and down, and my face hurt so much from smiling. And I was flailing and being so loud and giggling. And there were sooooooo many people there! For me!! I will always remember the effort that my besties went to, to do that. Of course it was the rowdiest party of the semester - broken chairs, broken pictures, broken toilet, broken glasses. But it was a success. I got a free bottle of Champagne at the club and I was having such a great time. I spilled drinks all over the bar rail..twice.... I punched my best friend (hopefully not hard...) because she wasn't listening to my story, I screamed at some creepo, I went to bed at 9am and I did some serious Canadian Bacon action.

These memories are something I will have forever. There are a few individuals here that have changed my life forever. It breaks my heart that I have to say goodbye to some of the greatest people I have ever met. 

But, they always say that you should leave the party while still having fun. And I am having so much fun - I can't imagine leaving. 

xoxoxox
-CB